22tape is the illegitimate child of R. Kelly--the self-proclaimed “World’s Greatest R&B and Rap Artist” (even though he doesn’t rap). I’ve never met my father. Despite this, I still miss him dearly. My mom said that he showed up at the hospital on the day of my birth, but before he got a chance to see me in my incubator, my mom caught him inserting an I.V. of morphine into a random pre-teen girl whilst serenading her. My father is an endless well of man-hood and inspiration. I’m always amazed how he is able to make whole albums out of his experience with alcohol, smelly women and hotel lobbies. That’s wisdom. He taught me that if I have to go pee pee, not only is it okay to do it anywhere, but it’s even better if I pee on young girls. I just chugged a gallon of Yoohoo and the middle school just let out across the street. Relief is near.